If you could wave a magic wand and solve your food, body & health issues...

You’d trust yourself with food

→ so you don’t have to throw out all the junk food or jump from diet to diet to prevent you from eating everything in the house next time you’re stressed

→ and not have to go cold turkey and still enjoy wine and cocktails with friends

You’d trust yourself to workout

→ and get to the point where you CRAVE working out because it feels so good

→ without pre-scheduling 10 workouts a week that you inevitably no show for

You’d feel healthy & confident

→ maybe you’d like to fit into your skinny jeans again, train for a race or simply give your body the regular TLC it deserves

→ and walk into the party like the most relaxed, radiant and confident woman in the room and feel proud of the decisions you make to take care of yourself

You’d be present & actually enjoy your life

→ freed from the preoccupation with food and appearance, your energy & attention gets to flow into the creations, passions, and projects you desire

→ seeing how much more luxurious life gets to be when you truly get to indulge in the pleasure of food without preoccupation & fear

You’d finally start taking the care of yourself you know you deserve

→ and wake up one day to realize YOU have become the person who meditates, exercises and craves healthy food all without harsh discipline or self criticism 😱

→ while your vision of a worthy and well life becomes reality

A bit of my story

I will never forget the look on my dad’s face when I returned home from the summer before my senior year of high school. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I walked out to the curb where my dad was waiting for me at the airport and his eyes went wide and all he said was: Oh! You’ve grown!

I was mortified.

I remember exactly what I was wearing – short khaki shorts and a poppy red polo, both of which highlighted the thighs, boobs and belly I had sprouted seemingly overnight.

All summer I tracked my weight and food in a journal with superwoman in hologram on the front and for every workout I planned in my self-improvement regiment I ended up binge eating instead.

Alone in an unfamiliar place without community or nature, I turned to food as the only coping strategy I had to soothe my pain. The pain that I was making worse by constantly fixating on my flaws and trying to endlessly improve myself and my body.

I was stuck in the Good Girl/Rebel pattern of trying to do all the right things in all the wrong ways and my Inner Rebel took control to protect me my super harmful restrictive ways – but the Rebel also wasn't taking care of me the way I needed.

This is the first time I remember my attempts to change myself out of self-loathing and judgment so clearly backfiring, resulting in plummeting self esteem.

This experience created an imprint of shame and embarrassment around my body that led to disordered eating and disconnection that stayed with me for many years. 

Know what really surprised me?

Getting to the heaviest weight of my life during the pandemic catalyzed the biggest shift in my self worth and self care.

When you get to the heaviest weight you’ve ever been in your life…well there’s literally no hiding from yourself or anyone else.

The bigger my body got, the less I could pretend that I didn’t have one!

I felt very aware of my body at all times and painfully aware of all the things I wasn’t doing to take the care of myself I knew I deserved.

So I proceeded to make some very intentional changes.

Not dramatic drastic resolution style changes motivated by self-judgment.

Because I knew from research and many many failures that those don't last.

I decided to make some changes because I was worthy and deserved to feel good.

I started craving more nutritious foods while at the same time beginning a rapturous love affair with food

When you mindlessly eat or binge to manage your emotions you don't appreciate what you're eating and often resent food for the pain overeating causes

But when you are IN your body, connected to your senses, in tune with your hunger, FOOD IS AMAZING! And can be deeply satisfying and nutritious.

I noticed I no longer drank when I was sad or insecure or trying to distract myself

Instead I savored wine and well-crafted cocktails in celebration and connection.

I started looking forward to workouts and showing up

I had a big pattern of overscheduling, like spending hours designing THE perfect workout schedule and then showing up for one class or maybe a week of classes and then ghosting – now I actually look forward to workouts on my schedule and follow through because I'm not getting stuck in mythical perfectionism!

I actually kept my clothes, room and house tidy

(If you know me and have ever seen my closet anytime between high school and literally a year ago...you know how huge this is ;)

AND for another surprise...I quit biting my nails

Again, another insurmountable problem I've been wrestling with since I was a kid, magically solved seemingly overnight

That's what worthiness work does

I realized that I was worthy of movement, proper nutrition, ample rest, fun, play, care and all the things I need to feel my best as a human being

I don't have to be perfect to be worthy

And being worthy doesn't make me perfect

Feeling worthy doesn't mean I do every single one of my practices everyday

It means I take pretty good care of myself, without having to force, overschedule or rely on a diet or strict plan to tell me what to do

Worthiness shows me what I need and gives me the resolve to follow through