The things we take for granted

It’s the middle of the night in New Hampshire and it’s 28˚ outside. I’m sitting up in bed wishing I could sleep but my chest feels tight and every exhale sounds like a high-pitched whimper. Everytime I try to lay down it gets worse.

I’ve never had trouble breathing before but I literally can’t get enough air into my lungs, which feel like an old bellows that I have to work really hard to expand and contract.

I haven’t been able to walk from the living room up the stairs to the room I’m staying in for fear of losing my breath. I’ve been very quiet all day because talking felt like too much effort.

I’m away from home, in an unfamiliar place. All I’m focused on is trying to breathe and not panic. I didn’t know what was happening to me until the middle of the night when I listed my symptoms in my head:

✅ Shortness of breath

✅ Tightness in my chest

✅ Trouble getting enough breath

✅ Wheezing

And realized there’s a name for what I’m experiencing – I’m having an asthma attack….cool.

It’s after midnight and my partner Lucien is googling things and worried about me dying in my sleep, bless him. So we call Kaiser and speak with a very kind and helpful nurse on the 24 hour advice nurse line who is pretty concerned about me.

As we speak to him my symptoms actually do get better and I decide that I can make it through the night and pick up an inhaler at the local pharmacy in the morning.

It took all of my mindfulness training to get me through this. That and Lucien’s healing chicken soup ;)

We weren’t even able to get an inhaler until the next evening. Turns out getting a Kaiser prescription filled outside of California is a pretty big headache.

It took all of my work with breath, self-trust and belief in myself to know I could get through this without spinning into a state of panicked anxiety that would make breathing even harder. It felt like a freaking trial by fire, a grueling test of my abilities.

I told Lucien I knew I could make it and I needed him to trust me. I needed him to affirm and bolster my kernel of faith, rather than match the feeling of panic that wanted to take me with each strained breath.

I’ve been laying low this week but my lungs still don’t feel back to normal. I canceled my 1:1 client calls and have had a hard time not feeling down that this week I meant to promote the Radiance Collective Membership kicking off next week and I’ve done far less than I want to.

Fortunately, the moon has been very present for me. There’s so much less light pollution and more open skies than back home and I’ve seen the moon almost everyday and night!

The moon always reminds me that there’s enough time, that nothing is ever lost or ruined. Because another cycle is just on the horizon and there are infinite possibilities for how life gets to go from here on out. When I remember that – I literally feel the hope rising like a buoy in my chest, expanding and lifting me out of the dark into a space of creativity & possibility.

We take so many things for granted – our health, our breath, the moon & the stars. When we are working at an unsustainable pace, and we’ve ignored the warning lights on the dash one too many times, our body is going to stop us. Whether it’s a panic attack, asthmatic episode, terrible PMS, or a new diagnosis, our body will shut down in order to get our attention.

I’m so excited to share this program with you because you can use the skills we’re practicing in this program not just in a crisis like I had this week but literally every day of your life.

Each New Moon 🌑 we’re practicing our self-soothing and restoring skills like yin breathwork, mindful meditation, visualization and journaling. During the dark of the moon, we connect with the deep wisdom & self-trust that exists inside of each of us.

Each Full Moon 🌕 we’re grounding & releasing so we can ride the waves that life & full moons bring. We’ll do dynamic breath & emotional release to feel & release whatever’s activating us so we can show up present and grounded for ourselves and loved ones.

Not everyone can afford 1:1 coaching or my higher level group coaching. But my hope is that everyone can access this program and have space to connect with themselves and the moon cycle every month.

The full price of the program is $197/mo but I’m offering a founding member rate of $97/mo just through November 9th. When you join at that rate you lock it in for good!

If you’re not able to make that investment right now but deeply want this support in your life, please email me to ask about a scholarship.

I fully believe this is the best investment you could make right now for your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health.

Ready to see what attuning to the moon can unlock for you?

Join the Radiance Collective Membership Today

Enter code FOUNDER at checkout to get $100 off every month when you join by November 9th.

I can't wait for you to join this incredible community of women.

XO Alyssa