On becoming more myself

I’m stepping out of a new box right now and letting my true self and mission in the world be seen more. There are so many boxes I’ve stepped out of in my life: perfectionist, people pleaser, overachiever, emotional caretaker, and corporate employee to name a few.

Each time I’ve dared to step out of a new box, it’s felt incredibly terrifying, as if the fear could actually kill me, not just paralyze me. You see I’m a security oriented person, so I freaking get how scary it is to make these big life changes.

If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, I’m a self preservation type. I orient to safety and material resources to help me feel safe and stable. Inevitably, stepping out of a box brings up all these fears — will I be able to survive this! What will it be like on the other side? Will I still belong? Will I have what I need?

I know some of you look to me as inspiration for what’s possible when you figure out what you really want and go after it. That’s amazing because I AM a badass and love being your inspiration and evidence that it’s possible to create your life the way YOU want it.

Not the way you’ve been taught to want it or even the way I want it. You don’t have to want to quit your stable job and become a life coach, though I can totally help you do that if that’s what you want ;) You have to figure out with YOUR version of that is. What is your fully expressed life? Your dream life?

But the truth is that I don’t have it all figured out. I am still always course correcting to notice the ways I’ve been taking on someone else’s dream and not being true to mine.

Knowing what we want isn’t a destination — it’s a way of life.

If you’ve been following me for awhile, you know I trained as a health coach and got my masters in Integrative Health when I was still working for Google and then dove deeper into women’s empowerment and sexuality in Layla Martin’s VITA Coaching Certification and The Somatica Institute’s Sex, Love and Relationship Coach Training.

After years of study and being immersed in the pleasure and sexuality worlds I had an aha moment connecting the dots between my women’s health studies around burnout and chronic illness and the healing benefits of pleasure and my mission of helping women banish burnout with pleasure was born.

It’s only after over two years now of doing this work full time that I realized pleasure was a way I was hiding and was never actually meant to be the main work I do. It was only ever meant to be one of the tools in my tool belt, so I can serve the whole woman in front of me — the leader, lover, mother and more.

I only realized by taking action — fully fucking committing to this path and this work that what I’m truly here to do is help women figure out what they truly want. We waste so much of our energy, time, power and ultimately LIVES worrying about what other people want for us and from us. When we owe it to ourselves and the world to get clear on who the fuck we are, what we truly want and what we’re here to do.

I believe each and every one of us matters, deeply. As small as you may feel, as insignificant as your issues seem compared to the broader ills plaguing our world, you matter. And you owe it to yourself and everyone around you to start acting like it. To take yourself and your desires seriously.

As I step out of the box of pleasure queen coach and into the more aligned authentic role of life coach helping women get clear on their deepest goals, desires and truth, I want to remind you of some of the things I’ve had to remember recently:

• You got here BECAUSE of the brave decisions, commitments and work you did up until this point. None of that was wasted time, it was exactly what you needed to get to this point.
• You think owning the role of pleasure advocate on the internet is hard, try being your full ducking self! There’s nothing more vulnerable and scary than stepping more fully into your authenticity. And it’s more valuable than anything in the world.
• You don’t need to try to be someone else in order to be liked, in order to be successful. You are enough. You are more than enough. The world is desperate from your gifts, for you just being you.
• The more you show the real you, the more opportunities you give people who truly like the real you to come closer.
• It's okay to follow your intuition over what looks right on paper. You know what's best for you.
• You do not need to be like your parents. You can go your own way, follow your own path, explore, make mistakes and find yourself.
• There's no way to do this "right" and there's no way to do this all the way wrong.
• Remember this is for you. It’s YOUR life.
• Check your tendency to perform and seek approval from authorities. They won't save you. Only you will.
• As stuffy and confining as the box may feel, it’s also pretty damn cozy. Be prepared for things to feel scary and rocky. You’ve got this. It will all be worth it.

There is so much power in gathering in circles of women where we get to practice vulnerability, authenticity and letting ourselves be seen and celebrated as we’re stepping out of a box or even just considering taking a leap.

In the virtual womens circle I’m leading in two weeks, we’ll practice the art of free speaking. Much like the power of free writing, free speaking allows us to reveal hidden truths and desires, with the added power of being witnessed by a group of women that truly want what’s best for you, that are believing in, supporting and celebrating you even when that’s hard to do for yourself.

I’ve received such beautiful feedback from the circles I’ve held over the past few weeks, including from women who had absolutely no clue what they were signing up for and got so much clarity and nourishment from the experience!

Now I’m thrilled to bring Ladies Night In: An Evening Just For You to even more people. It’s happening Tuesday June 21st at 5:30 PST and you’re invited!

You won’t want to miss this! RSVP here.

Looking forward to seeing you